Conundrums.

[Old Cremona]

Those of you who do Civil War-era music presentations for the general public might like to salt your between-song patter with some original conundrums, so here are a few I've collected. If anyone else collect's these please share. I've got more but I prefer a quid pro quo kind of deal.

(from Unsworth's Burnt Cork Lyrics, 1858)

What is the difference between a flat surface and the leaden image of Satan?
One is dead level and the other a lead devil.

What is the difference between a physician and a magician?
One is a cup-per and the other a sorcer-er.

What is the difference between a hen and a ship.
A hen lays one egg, and a ship lays to.

Why is an unwelcome visitor like a shady tree?
Because we are glad when he leaves.

(from Christy's New Songster, 1863)

What tree represent's a person who persists in incurring debt?
A willow.

At what time by a clock is a pun most effective?
When it strikes one.

Why will the proprietors of the stump-tail cows be oblidged to sell them wholesale?
Because it's impossible to re-tail them.

Why is the sun like a loaf of bread?
Because they both rise in the y-east.

[27thNCdrummer]

Very nice Carl! I may just have to use those.

[sepoy1857]

Thanks Carl!

Love that period wit LOL!

[huntdaw]

OK, those are pretty good but I don't get a couple of them. Perhaps they can be explained to me. How is a willow tree representative of someone that incurs debt? Willow - no matter how I pronounce it or think about it I don't get a connection.

Difference between sorcerer and physician. That one's lost on me too.

It is interesting to look at period newspapers etc and see what was passing for humor at the time. Some of it - well, I guess you just had to be there huh?

[27thNCdrummer]

Michael,
I didn't get those either. I also didn't get the one about the clock pun.

[Jefferson Guards]

OK, those are pretty good but I don't get a couple of them. Perhaps they can be explained to me.
How is a willow tree representative of someone that incurs debt? Willow - no matter how I pronounce it or think about it I don't get a connection.

"Will Owe"

Difference between sorcerer and physician. That one's lost on me too.

Cup-per (reference to the medical practice of cupping, ie "one who cups") and Sorcer-er (one who practices magic). It is play on "cup and saucer"

[YoungCampaigner]

Hello All. Here are a few more conundrums I found in a book circa 1829 (The Boy's Own Book, by William Clarke):

Why is a peach stone like a regiment?
Because it has a kernel (colonel).

Why do we all go to bed?
Because the bed will not come to us.

Why is a pack of cards like a garden?
There are spades in it.

What burns to keep a secret?
Sealing wax.

[tater_cuffie]

Very cool Carl if i had a band i'd use some of em lol are yall goona use them in your act? and where do you find those kind of things?

[huntdaw]

I figured out the "will owe" part this afternoon while driving down the road and mulling things over.

The other one about the cupper and sorcerer, I got the references to but it still just seems like a really bad conundrum - the 1860's version of the ultimate groaner I guess.

[Spinster]

Very cool Carl if i had a band i'd use some of em lol are yall goona use them in your act? and where do you find those kind of things?

Conundrums were a popular humour form of the day--so much so that the common soldier would have had access whenever the mail ran--and so can you. Open up most any Harper's Weekly reprint, and within the first or second page of the issue is a column call "Humors of the Day" . Then, as now, the pun relied upon pronunciation and common cultural references to make a joke that often produced groans---a fact acknowledged with each of the items below.

Delivery is, of course, as important as the root of the joke--and I find that if I am reading a conumdrum and do not 'get it', reading it aloud with proper pauses will normally enlighten me.

From the March 2, 1861 issue:

What's the difference between a Man with a sore throat and a Manilla cheroot?------Why, the one is a Man ill and the other is a Man iller.
[Don't frown, reader, please. The cold weather has really frozen up our flow of wit and this is the first symptom of its having begun to thaw]

At the root of many conumdrums there is often a pun. From the same issue, but not quite in normal conumdrum form:

If you saw that dear boy Walter going to pull the trigger of his rifle, and you said so, what Shakespearian quotation would you use ?----"Wat's in an aim".
[Contributor discharged uncured]

Now, I can't say that I normally spend a Sunday evening perusing the Harper's--in this case, I was cutting up a reprint, in order to reline bandboxes and trunks for the spring before packing my clothing inside them.

[Amtmann]

I've never heard Conundrums before... those are funny.

[Spinster]

Mellodians!!:rolleyes:

And when I really don't get a conundrum, I try to think of how it would sound in Rick Musselman's voice. Or most any other Mellodian. Except that one with the orange and purple hat :p

[Hank Trent]

Do You Give It Up? A Collection of the Most Amusing Conundrums, Riddles, Etc. Of The Day, 1861. (http://books.google.com/books?id=tcwBAAAAQAAJ&printsec=titlepage)

From the above book:

Why is a laundress the greatest traveller in the world?
Because she is constantly crossing the line, and going from pole to pole.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

[Old Cremona]

Do You Give It Up? A Collection of the Most Amusing Conundrums, Riddles, Etc. Of The Day, 1861. (http://books.google.com/books?id=tcwBAAAAQAAJ&printsec=titlepage)

From the above book:

Why is a laundress the greatest traveller in the world?
Because she is constantly crossing the line, and going from pole to pole.

Hank Trent
hanktrent@voyager.net

I am in your debt for that excellent link, Hank. S'pose there's any other period comedy books in thar?

[Danny]

If not funny, at least documented...

Why is a pretty foot and ankle like one of Shakespare's comedies? Because its "all well that ends well."

Miss Simpleton recently fainted upon being told that her betrothed had several engagements since the war began.

Mrs. Partington wants to know if it were not intended that women should drive their husbands, why are they put through the bridle ceremony?

Why are henpecked husbands like crinoline? Because they are continually under petticoat rule!

What sort of capital punishment do most men suffer daily? The want of funds.

What's the difference between a suit of clothes and a law suit? One provides us with pockets, the other empties them.

Why was Adam an actor? Because he was the leading man.

What did Adam and Eve do when they were expelled from Eden? They raised Cain.

"One rod makes an acher," as the boy said when the schoolmaster dusted his back.

What sort of drums are the most stirring? Kettle drums. What sort are the most indelicate? Bass drums. What sort are the most boorish? Humdrums. What sort are the most amusing? Con-un-drums.

-excerpts from The Camp Jester, or, Amusement for the Mess, 71 p., Augusta, Ga.
Published by Blackmar & Brother 1864

Dan Wykes

"Squad! attention!" Paddy stood erect, but looked indignant. "Squad! front!" He fronted, but being no longer able to smother his rage, exclaimed: "Look here, mister, my name's Pat Mahoney, and by the mother of Moses, I won't be called "Squad" by any man."

[Old Cremona]

The thing about period humor is that to us folks far removed in time from the era that so fascinates us, it's just not always that...funny. Clever, maybe; interesting, to be sure; but not quite side-splitting.

I collect jokesters and songsters from the different universities that will copy them for me, and when I cull them for usable material, there is usually just a small fraction that will stand a chance of raising a titter in a modern audience.

Of course, that's the way it is with comedy in general, isn't it? I mean, I listen to the average Bob Hope routine, and I'm not rolling on the floor with tears in my eyes. But I'll but my Dad really got a laugh from them once upon a time.

I also imagine that the delivery was vital to so much of the material. And I'm not just talking about the "dialect." So often you see the word "droll" attached to descriptions of the popular comedians. I suspect that period audiences were charmed by a certain "reserve" from a comedian. Clarke Buehling once told me that my delivery should be more "Shakesperian."

I'm rambling here, but I feel that in our quest to truly experience a taste of the mid 19th century through authentic living history, an understanding and familiarity with the humor of the time can be of great assistance.

[Trish Hasenmueller]

Here's a link to all the text to The Camp Jester referred to above: http://docsouth.unc.edu/imls/jester/jester.html

Here's a link to my favorite humorous book, The Physiology of New York Boarding Houses, 1857. It's more than one-liners but the entire illustrated book makes light of the many types of people one might encounter in boarding houses and is hilarious to read. I think it would be a great source for anyone trying to fill out their citizen impression in many instances.
http://library8.library.cornell.edu/cgi-bin/moa/pageviewer?root=%2Fmoa%2Fmono%2Fgunn0157%2F&tif=00003.TIF&cite=http%3A%2F%2Fcdl.library.cornell.edu%2Fcgi-bin%2Fmoa%2Fsgml%2Fmoa-idx%3Fnotisid%3DANY6384&coll=moa&frames=1&view=50

Trish Hasenmueller

[kevinw33]

It is interesting to look at period newspapers etc and see what was passing for humor at the time. Some of it - well, I guess you just had to be there huh?

My favorite part of buying the repro Harper's Weeklys is reading the "Humor of the Day" sections.
Very rarely do I get them, but the ones I do I find amazing. Most you read from that time is serious reports, diaries, etc. but to see that side of them sheds a new light.

[blackhattertuck]

One that I remember reading in Harper's:

Why would an owl take offense if you called him a partridge?
It would be making game of him.

:tounge_sm

[Deborah Hyland]

Why should a classical scholar never attempt to count eggs more than one at a time?
Because he would be sure to count them ova and ova.

A real knee-slapper fo' sho'--from the pages of Harper's.

[Silvana Siddali]

Cute! I like this thread.


Now here's an obscure one --

Why is Jenny Lind not like a leg of lamb?

Because she is neither Alboni nor Grisi.



(Hint. Both Marietta Alboni and Giulia Grisi well-known opera singers of the day.) I found this one in the Indiana Lafayette Daily Courier,
December 17, 1850: